Cookies

I ate two cookies yesterday.

That felt a little bit like I imagine it feels to be a young Catholic headed to her first confession. But here's the thing: cookies aren't sin. And if they are, man, I'm a sinner.

They were delicious.

I'm not prohibiting any foods during my 100 Days, but I am trying to cut back (and eventually eliminate) processed foods. The cookies came from catering here at the university, and I know they were packed with more sugar than I should have in any given day. But seeing as there are no "rules," I didn't break any. So I ate them, and I logged them, and I moved on.

Dessert lately has been some honey yogurt in a martini glass (fancy!) topped with some shaved dark chocolate. For a girl who used to enjoy a Klondike bar (or two?) each night, this is an odd indulgence, but it does indeed feel indulgent. And a couple of cookies (one white chocolate macadamia, one snickerdoodle) did not derail the train.

Nope, last night I was right back at the gym. Dinner was sushi (thank you, Trader Joe!) and my treat (did I need one after two cookies?) was ... you guessed it ... berries and yogurt. That's what I want at the end of the night. Not ice cream, but yogurt. (With a little shaved chocolate. I'm not a barbarian.)

So here I am on Day 20. DAY 20 I SAID! Crazy. I suck at taking photos of my food. I thought that would be the easiest, but it turns out I'm an epic failure. Think I'm kidding? This is literally all the food I've had this week, if you trust the photos on my camera:

Sunday's bloody mary

Sunday's post-race breakfast. (And dinner.)

Berries and yogurt from I think Monday

Monday breakfast shake and coffee

Monday second breakfast

Monday dinner. Hey, I did pretty well on Monday!

Tuesday lunch. Be jealous; it was fabulous.

Wednesday dinner

Wednesday dessert

But hey, I have 80 days left; I can improve.

I have done at least five days of working out each week. I haven't missed a run. And I've logged all my food with the exception of BaconFest because how the hell do you log 75 bites of weird food that has no entry in MyFitnessPal? Get real. I even logged my bloody mary (okay, two bloody marys) last Sunday. This, my friends, is progress.

And that is the real essence of my 100 Days project; to find progress in unconventional ways. I struggle when I don't see progress on the scale. The weight moves away from me slowly, but the other changes? Those are already happening.

I'm feeling strong. I'm feeling confident. I don't let myself talk myself out of a workout. I even look forward to my workouts like I did back in the day.

I missed that version of me; it's good to know she hadn't strayed far.

But it's also good to know that I can have a cookie (or two) on occasion and not feel like I've lost the wagon entirely.

Left field

Sometimes, life surprises you.

For a long time, I understood how differently I felt when I worked out regularly. It made a huge diffence in my emotional state, and I was in a great routine.

Then, well over two years ago, I got sick ... and that brought with it a downward spiral that I just couldn't find my way out of.

I'm not sain' I'm out of the woods, but I feel like I'm on my way back. I'm trusting myself to take a rest day and not derail my everything. It's different. It's good. The realization sorta hit me out of nowhere.

Speaking of which, tonight I ran into a friend in the locker room who asked me if I was still considering becoming an instructor. I'll be honest; it's something I'd love to do, but I know I need to get closer to my goal weight in order to be a credible instructor. So from here on Day 18, that's something I'm letting myself think about again.

And yeah ... all of this hit me out of left field.

Lucky number 13

Y'all, I'm on Day 13. Maybe not remarkable to anyone but me, but it's damn well a thing in my book. Almost two weeks down!

And it's going well. Not perfect, but well.

And that's the whole thing, really. It isn't about being perfect. It's about maintaining motivation even when it isn't perfect. So here's what's the what this week:

• On Sunday, my sister and I did a run through the park near where we grew up. The one-mile course has five exercise stations positioned at intervals around it. They almost killed us. We completed the course  twice, and then went to look at wolves and otters. (We saw eagles and a cougar, but no otters.) (Dammit.)
• Other workouts this week included another great run, lots of weights, and C9 - this horribly awesome weight training/cardio class at the gym. 
• On the food front, I suck at taking pictures of my food. Seriously, this morning I sat down to breakfast and thought "take a picture" right before I ate it, and then promptly forgot and ate. This habit may take awhile to really solidify. Obvi.
• Water? Bad. I haven't gotten nearly my allotment this week. Something to work on, I suppose.
• I have logged all my food. All of it. This may prove difficult tonight, because I am volunteering at BaconFest, and most of the offerings there will not be in My Fitness Pal. But I'm planning carefully, not indulging in all the things but instead going in with a Luna bar and not allowing hunger to lead me. I'm going to enjoy a few things, and forgo the rest. Because I love bacon, but I am not stupid.

This weekend is the Shamrock Shuffle, my favorite race of the year. It's an 8K (just a smidge under 5 miles) and I'm not really trained for that. But I'm going to head out with the intention of having a great time, and that's really the whole point, right? 

One week

Here we are on Day 8 of 100. I'm feeling pretty confident, but with 92 to go, there's a lot left that could happen.

This week, I managed to:

• Make it to two yoga classes
• Get three run workouts done on a 5k training plan
• Lots of walking; twice at treadmill desks at the office
• Did a weight training workout at home when I forgot my shoes
• Took an intentional rest day
• Schedule a Pilates introductory class at a studio recently opened by a friend

And, believe it or not, I logged my food. I didn't get pictures of everything as I intended, but I feel pretty good about the logging. 

It was a very good week. The confidence I feel when I make myself eat right and get the workouts in is such a bonus. I know I am very lucky to have the opportunities to move that I do, so it's good to feel like I am getting back into the habit of making use of the opportunities I have. 

The one potential pitfall I had was going to Eataly with my sisters yesterday. We all managed to navigate wisely, taking most of our lunches home. We ordered pizzas and shared some appetizers, and while pizza is an indulgence (oh blissful carb, I love you so) it's not such a bad thing when you eat only a third of it. Plus, all that walking! Getting to 10,000 steps yesterday was super easy. I feel like I really earned the sitting down when it was all over. 

This morning was the usual Saturday morning workout, and it felt great to get it done. It's been a good week. I hope to be able to same in another week's time.

Checking in - Day 5

This morning I started Day 5 of my 100 Day Challenge. And I woke up a little proud of myself.

Last night, I went to the gym only to quickly leave the gym. I'd forgotten my gym shoes, and I didn't think combat boots would quite get me through the workout. So, when I got home ... I worked out. Yep; turned on my trusty app and got 46 minutes of body-weight muscle toning in, and I followed the workout up with a pretty delicious salad and yogurt.

If this had happened last week, it would likely have resulted in a trip to the Whole Foods hot bar for mashed potatoes and macaroni and cheese, and possibly gelato. Not that any of that is verboten (even with my new mindset), there just really needs to be a reason for it. And no, a day that ends in "y" is not a reason. Either I earn it with a serious workout, or there's an event or celebration behind it. (Preferably, I will earn it AND there will be a celebration.)

What's more, after I had my dinner and yogurt last night, I just brushed my teeth. Nope, no more food tonight. You will not tempt me, Kind bars!

So here's the real dill pickle: this isn't hard, but it's hard. I have to continually remind myself that this isn't a quick fix. It's not really about what I'm eating; it's about being real about what I'm eating, and being diligent about getting to the gym.

It's about focus. And sometimes I lose focus.

Here's what I know on Day 5: I feel good. I'm sleeping great. And I'm excited about trying new things. That's sort of a tertiary goal here - trying new things. I'm counting yoga in that, because I haven't been going regularly to yoga in a really long time. So all those places that offer you a free workout to try? I'm trying them. Orange Theory? Bring it on. A friend of mine just opened her own pilates studio, and I am pumped to try it. And yes, I'm challenging myself to get to at least one yoga class every week, because I know it will tap into parts of me that need to be awakened and worked. Scary? A little. And that's okay.

For the moment, though, I'm off to walk on a treadmill and answer some emails before going to meditation class. Because that's something new, too.

So ... what're you doing between now and June 26?

You guys ... I know perfectly well that if you never quit, you never have to start over.

I have the technical knowledge to reach good health and maintain it, but damn ... it's hard. I'm 50 years old and my metabolism is no longer on my side. And going weeks - sometimes several - without a weight-loss result means I battle depression as a result. And the cycle begins again.

I get caught up on week-by-week results, or I look too far down the road and I don't stay on top of my goal. Back at Christmas, my sisters asked me what my "word of the year" would be, and I replied "focus." That word has been the subject of two paintings, and has also been inscribed on a key my sisters gave me to remind me of what should be driving me this year.

And so, it's time to focus. Not for a week, but not with an eye toward forever. I'm giving myself 100 days. Between now and June 26, I'm going to work at my focus.

I'm keeping it pretty personal. I'm not broadcasting blog posts (though if someone finds it, that's fine by me.) I'm going to give myself a focus task every week (this week it's logging food) and expecting workouts six out of every seven days.

It won't be perfect. Hell, I have a trip to Hawaii coming up in there. But there's no reason not to get my workouts in. No reason not to keep track of my food. No reason to put off taking care of myself just because I'm on vacation.

I was going to start tomorrow, but I realized there is no time like the present. Let's go; 100 days begin now.

On 2017 and what's to come

I haven't been very good about blogging lately.

I don't know if I will be any better about it in 2017, but I'm gonna try. Because here's the thing: 2016 has been rough. I started the year with goals and plans, and I stuck with some. I didn't on others. This isn't self-loathing talking, it's just an admission of real life.

Sometimes, Doing The Things is hard.

So, 2017 is around the corner. I'm thinking of keeping it simple. For years, it was about how many races I could run. How many workouts I could get in. But this year, I'm just going to pull it back a bit.

The coming year is about two things: getting stronger (weight training, you're up!) and fueling right (most of the time.) I think that translates to three or four weight-bearing workouts per week, and eating fruit or veg and protein most times when I fill the pie hole.

That's it. Two simple methods that should net me some results in 365 days.

Oh, and love. I'm going to thank my body instead of being critical of it. I've been doing better at that lately, and really - it's a much better way.

Off we go, friends. It's time.