Thursday, December 30, 2010

So this'll be quick

Weighed in today, but still I'm on a foreign scale. Today's weight: 210. Last week I was 216 ... but I'm pretty sure most of that was water and delightful bloat. One more weigh-in at the Country House, and then I'm back on my home scale.

It's rough doing this in a strange place. I'm further away from the gym. When I'm not working, it takes a great deal of effort to get there. My routine is pretty jacked, so maintaining my weight would be fine. Losing a few? Even better. Next week, we're back on track, and next weekend - a week from tomorrow, January 7 - I'm back home.

Thursday, December 23, 2010

How much of this can I gain on water weight?

I got on the scale today. May I once again remind you that I am not weighing in on the home scale. As I'm house sitting in the booming Metropolis of Long Grove, I'm stepping onto a borrowed scale once a week.

This morning, I stepped up and it screamed, "Get the fuck off of me, Orca!"

It was quite a shock, because just three days previous it showed me down a few pounds. Today, it read 216.4.

216? Pount 4? Why do you hate me?

Now, granted, my life over the past week has been little more than a full-on assault of food. Everything tasty has been in my midst. Sometimes I've been able to turn away. I mean, there is a full half-gallon of ice cream in the freezer that remains unopened. I've done so much better than the version of me who ate everything that wasn't nailed down. And still ... I'm heavier.

Some of that is water. Biologically (and I know I'm oversharing but it's my blog, dammit, so away we go) I am heavier one week out of every month, and this is it. Plus, my doctor has me on a medication to help me not retain quite so much water, and I forgot to take it for the last two days. But ... it sure as hell isn't six pounds of water. Good GOD, I'd be sloshing when I walked if that were the case!

So I guess it's time to get a little bit smarter, eat a little bit less and keep up the gym protocol. Because I don't want to keep these six pounds. They piss me off. Little bastards.

Monday, December 20, 2010

'tis the season ...

... to eat the foods.

For breakfast today: Two chocolate chip cookies, a fat-free muffin, and coffee. And so it begins ... the season of eating.

How will I combat it? Well, mostly by not missing workouts - which can also be tough, because I live in Snow Country, but what the heck. I can only do what I can do, right? I'll make it when I can, eat pizza when it presents itself (such as, for lunch today) and do my best to not become a complete pig slacker. But I also won't be the food nazi over the holidays. I will eat when I'm hungry, and it will be delicious. I will acknowledge that I'm probably going to overeat a bit, and then I'll just hustle my butt to the gym. I will enjoy every morsel, with as little amount of guilt as I can possibly muster, and I will return to greater diligence in the new year.

So my goal, then, for the next two weeks, is simply to not gain any weight. And in January, with luck, we'll celebrate continued success along the healthy path.

Friday, December 17, 2010

Perfectly imperfect

I'm a perfectionist. I am loathe to receive edits to my work, because I don't generally turn something in until I believe I've reached as close to perfection as possible. When my gravy doesn't thicken or my pasta is gluey or heaven forbid the crust on a cheesecake sticks to the pan, I feel like an epic failure. But I'm learning. I've begun to accept that sometimes, good enough is good enough, and that striving for perfection sometimes leaves us empty when we should be full.

It certainly holds true with weightloss. When you're starting out, you read a lot. Exercise in the morning. Drink at least eight glasses of water. Do 30 minutes every day. Sleep eight hours each night. Eat this number of calories ... and on and on. All of it is true, but who can do all of it? And more importantly, can you be successful if you simply choose not to?


I am not a morning person. Getting up to exercise at the ass-crack of dawn would destroy my spirit. But in the evening, I attend classes with people I love, taught by other people I love. Or I hop my happy ass onto a treadmill and relish the experience of being surrounded by other athletes. Because we're all athletes at one stage or another of development.

I drink water almost exclusively, but some days I don't drink as much as I should. I love sleeping, but sometimes life gets in the way. Some days I'm just too hungry to stay within my calories. And frankly, I enjoy days like today, when there is no gym bag anywhere near my life and I can take a "night off" from fitness.

And still, it's working. Because my best effort isn't perfect, but it's still my best effort, I am getting stronger. I am having fun. I am letting myself off the hook, because it's not about being perfect, or even trying to be. It's about dancing to the beat of a different drummer; sometimes, several different drummers at the same time. It's about doing what you love, eating foods you love, treating yourself like someone you treasure.

Because you can, and you should.

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Weigh in - does it count?

I got on the scale today. It said 210.6. I would technically log it as 211, but ... I'm not sure it counts.

See, until January 7, I'm going to be house-sitting for a friend. I did not bring my own scale. So I weighed myself on hers, which isn't a bad thing ... but I'm afraid this was a false positive. (This feeling is assisted by my intense hunger and apparent need to eat more than my daily caloric allotment; see previous post.)

So, I'm logging it. 211. And if nothing else, we'll see how things go over the next three weeks. I'll at least know if I'm trending one way or the other, and then when I'm home ... well ... oh, hell, I could get a false negative!

At any rate, things are going well. My girlfriend left me several pre-made meals from The Biggest Loser, and they are delicious. Much more satisfying than your usual Lean Cuisine fare, and the variety is amazing. Lots of chicken, of course, but also lots of varieties of same. Cheesy stuffed chicken ... blackened chicken ... chicken Florentine ... every one, yummy as hell, and every meal coming in between 300 and 350 calories. Couldn't have come at a better time! It's been a great help in keeping my calories in check, although there is no way I could afford to do it for myself; that stuff's pretty spendy.

And so we continue with a very festive, very busy season. I'll keep my eye on the prize ... but I must occasionally stop for cookies.

Wednesday, December 15, 2010


Yeah ... things feel tough these days.

Not in a bad way, mind you. There's just a distinct lack of an Easy button.

Every day for the past week or so, I've been over on my caloric intake. There's been a little stress, so I suppose that's to be expected. Plus, it's the holidays. How is one expected to rein in the eating when there is so much deliciousness all around! So, I'm just doing the best I can in the meanwhile, and hopefully come January, I at least won't have gained weight.

So I keep working at it. I try to push past the stress. I don't let it get to me (much) that I didn't sleep well tonight, and I will go to the gym and run and do yoga and I will feel better afterward. I'm feeling a little guilty, because I didn't go to the gym last night.

And with good reason! See, I'm watching a girlfriend's house for three weeks or so while she visits her husband overseas. So I had to move myself and Benld into a new residence last night, and going earlier - 5 p.m. - instead of later - 9 p.m. - seemed wise. And it was, though that doesn't mean it wasn't an exceedingly difficult night. Benld cried; sometimes, it was that loud, low "howlWOOOOO!" that means he's heartbroken. I'm worried about him.

It's clear that I prefer a simple life, and I am eager for my friend to return home. But until then, I have to manage everything - my weight, my food, my stress, my cat, my heavens! I will not be overwhelmed. It will be okay.

Won't it?

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

It's not easy being lean

There's less of me.

It's hard work.

Also, thank you.

To those of you who notice and encourage, please know, I cannot thank you enough.

Last night at the gym, I honestly lost count of the number of people who commented on my ever-shrinking form. For the record, I am not complaining. It is difficult, however, to accept compliments, because I feel like I have such a long way to go. It is hard work getting here. It is going to get harder.

But back to last night. The girl at the towel desk stopped me to tell me she thinks I'm doing great. My friend Jill, as we were putting up our stuff from Strictly Strength, told me I'm shrinking before her eyes. That sweet pretty blond girl who also did the Hot Chocolate run told me at first that my top looked really good on me, then she said, "No, it's because you're getting so tiny; everything looks good on you!" Then on my way out of class, sweet Gretchen said, "You have lost a lot of weight!" Yes, I have. She wanted to know what I was doing, and it really made me think about it.

I'm eating less. I'm moving more. There is no magic pill. If you want to do this, it isn't going to be easy. But when you start getting results ... and people start to notice ... it is so damn worth it!

Tuesday, December 7, 2010


I'm wearing pants.

Now, that may not sound like a big deal to most people. But to me? Yeah. Groundbreaking.

I haven't owned a pair of pants that fit in years. Many, many years. When it comes to great-fitting pants, I think I'd have to go back to college. At my heaviest, they never actually "fit", because for some reason clothing manufacturers seem to think that all larger women have an immense gut; therefore, my crotch (or rather, the crotch of my pants) was always hanging down to my knees! Finally, I gave up. I've been wearing skirts and dresses almost exclusively ever since, with the exception of jeans (which can still be hard to find, if I want them to fit and look yummy.)

Anyway, today, I'm wearing pants. This gorgeous pair of black wide-leg trousers that have been in my closet for about five years. They look great. They feel great. Okay, they feel a little snug, but maybe that's because they actually fit.

Also this week, I tried on a dress my then-mother-in-law gave me back in December of 2010. Yes, it finally fits the way it's supposed to. And, soon you'll see me clad in my bib overalls from college. I realize I may look ridiculous. I don't care; I love them, and I've been trying to fit back into them for years.

It feels good. In some ways, I can't believe I've come this far. In other ways, I can't believe how much further I have to go. But in every way, I'm elated. Look what we can do if we just set our minds to it?

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Shrinky dink

It's been a tough week, but also a good week. Thanksgiving brings food. I swear, during the holidays, people I've never met offer me vittles. And I did pretty well.

Dined on amazing, delicious foods, but never gorged. And lots of working out, having a blast at the gym. It's been good. And yummy.

This week, in particular, has been a time for trying new things. Last night, I tried hot yoga. I've been trying to fit yoga into the workout regimen all year, and finally, things fell into place. It was amazing. Best part? The last time I yog'd, there was a lot more "me" in the middle. This time, I was a lot more bendy, because there wasn't as much French bread in the way! And the heat makes it so easy to blissfully move further into the poses. Love. Love. Love.

Today at noon (because I'm on mini-vacation) I'll be doing Barbell Strength at the gym. Then on Saturday, I'm doing another 5k ... and there is snow in the forecast. Let's keep trying new things!

But at any rate, today was weigh in day. Last week, I didn't report, because I stayed pretty much the same. So imagine my surprise when the readout said ...


213.6. (I'm just calling it 214.)

That means I get my first reward! I've lost my first 10 percent. 26 pounds, total. That's heavy!

Some weeks are easier than others. Some weeks the losses are big. Some weeks I stay the same. But as long as I maintain my focus, the weight comes off.

My body, and my spirit, are lighter.