Thursday, November 3, 2011

Nerves, excitement and 15K

I'm a control freak. I'm sure this finds you completely shocked. Life, however, has a way of gently nudging me in the direction of growth, when I'm ready for it.

Can't help but be reminded of my toughest bout with control, back in the late 80's/early 90's, when my desperate attempt to control something in my life lead to bulimia. Yes, it happened. It also provided a very clear picture of just how destructive control can be. It's a lesson I regret having to learn, but a valuable one nonetheless. Now, when life spins out of control, it's good to have this memory to rely on, and hopefully (in time, maybe after learning how futile it is to try and control the situation) loosen my grip a bit.

Which brings me to now. I've had episodes of car trouble, family health issues and workplace drama lately, all of which has presented a distinct lack of control. It is not without effort, but I am trying to go with the flow. Aging divorcee learns new skills.

So I logically, intellectually accept that there is very little these days that I truly can control. Perhaps it's time to just enjoy the process? A valuable tactic going into this coming weekend, during which I will attempt to do something I have never done before: I will run a 15K.

That's nine-point-three miles, for those of you who care nothing for the metric system.

What can I control about this run? Well, I have thus far controlled my training. I have completed every run along the way. (Except for tonight's; I'll log a wee two-miler after work.) I have gone through extensive physical therapy to heal from a tear in my Achilles. I have taken off some weight, and I have allowed myself to let go of expectations and just run for the sheer joy of running. The rest, really, is just a matter of trying it, getting out there, completing 9.3 and seeing what it brings.

I'm a bundle of nerves and butterflies, so excited to try something new while at the same time nervous about potential injury. I've done everything I can to prepare, but some things ... well, some things you just cannot control.

So here's the deal: You send good thoughts my way on Saturday morning while I'm running the Hot Chocolate 15K, and when all is said and done, I'll eat some chocolate on your behalf. Expect a follow-up post with results and photos!

No comments: