Caring for Someone I Love

That's pretty much been the theme of this week - caring for someone I love. In this case, however, the "someone" is me.

On Monday, I began tracking my food and exercise again, after a long hiatus. On Tuesday, I had a great workout. On Wednesday, I saw the dentist and on Thursday, it was time to check in with the orthopedic doc about the old knee. Each day, I walked a mile and a half at lunchtime. Plus, I took time out to spend with friends, and I had some time to myself, too. I got enough sleep almost every night, and I ate delicious food that was good for me.

Balance, in all things.

Tonight, I'll be making myself a lovely light dinner (maybe a salad with chicken, greens and feta?) and doing my laundry, and tomorrow morning will find me at the gym, working my muscles until they talk back.

I'm not out of the woods yet. Hell, it's just been a week - no even, I have to survive the weekend! But I'm getting there. I can do this. I'm already doing this - have I mentioned that I weighed in this morning? 236. That's down four pounds from last Friday's weigh-in of 240. That's a mere 37 pounds away from being under 200 pounds. Going out on a limb here and make it my goal to get there by the end of the year.

Stay tuned: honest progress reports will keep coming!

Reginald

I went to the dentist yesterday. I needed a check up and a cleaning, but I also needed him to look at a little pimply-type object (I know, you're riveted when I share Too Much Information) along my gumline.

I was convinced I was going to die of some dreaded disease. Turns out, it's an infection. Mike Rice has named the infection "Reginald". How he (Reginald, not Mike) got there, I don't know, but the doc put me on antibiotics. And here is where things get a little more interesting:

They make me sick to my stomach unless I take them with food, and I have to take them at four times, spaced throughout the day. This means I have to eat something as soon as I get up in the morning, which is not my usual practice. So, we're newly back to the counting of calories, and I already have another challenge: fitting in Breakfast A. So this morning, I had half of a serving of Frosted Mini Wheats with a quarter cup of skim milk. It kept my tummy happy for about 150 calories; I can do this.

Of course at 10 a.m. my body was ready for Breakfast B, so I had my oatmeal bar. Now I just have the rest of the day to get through and stay within my calories. Might be a wee bit difficult, as I'm going to a friend's house for dinner. I'm determined not to derail myself! Maybe I'll pick up a salad along the way, to share ... and protect my waistline!

Well, that's progress

Yesterday - Tuesday, August 24, 2010 - was a good day. In lots of ways.

I took a little time out to do my therapy exercises in my cubicle. I took a walk during lunch, and ate within my calorie range all day. I even enjoyed exactly a half-cup of light ice cream. Really - I measured it out, and then ate it out of the measuring cup!

I also had a great workout. An hour of strength training with a new instructor (who felt the need to totally kick my ass) and then an hour of cardio. Salsa Funk with Donna is just the best way to burn an easy 500 calories EVER.

Donna is amazing. She continually reminds class members that they are doing something good for themselves, that it's not about being perfect ... it's just about moving the way your body lets you move today. If that isn't a message to take to heart, I don't know what is.

And so we move on to Wednesday. This morning, as I got dressed, I was annoyed at the coffee cake that has taken up residence along my middle. Some people have a roll, others a mufin top ... I have an entire coffee cake. I don't like it. But that's why I'm here. I don't want to call this a war against my body, because my body - while imperfect - is pretty amazing.

Me, today

This is not how I see myself. Completing the Muddy Buddy Race August 1, 2010.

Neither is this. Performing in Liberty Town Productions' "Summer Showcase", August 7, 2010.

Despite how proud I am of both these accomplishments, this is not what I see when I picture myself in my head.

It makes me crazy that when I look at the race picture, I look beyond the joyous smile and focus solely on the lumps. Yes, I have rolls. But why do I have so much trouble remembering that those rolls just completed a grueling race?

And the show picture. I just see this wide, sad girl. The smile all but escapes me.

Clearly, my focus is off. It is time to focus on what I can do instead of what it looks like. Because, let's face it ... it really doesn't look that bad, unless I'm fixated on perfection.

Hello, again ... hello.

I'm back.

Started journaling my food as of yesterday. Did really well right up until after dinner, when the ice cream got the best of me.

All things considered, I feel pretty good about where I'm at. I'm sad, because it's been years of working at this and I am still fat.

This is an indication that I have not been working at it hard enough. So, it's a new day. Time for renewal.

My goals?

• Lose a total of 70 additional pounds. This will take a lot of pressure off my knees, which will give me ...
• Increased comfort in my knees. Physical therapy can only do so much.
• Be able to run - actually run - a 5k in spring of 2011.
• Complete the Muddy Buddy in 2011 in less time than I did in 2010.

That's it. I'm going at it in 10% increments with rewards. Here's the plan:

Current weight - 240
Weight-loss goal #1 (10% of 240) - 24 pounds
Reward at 216 pounds: pedicure.

Weight-loss goal #2 (10% of 216) - 22 pounds
Reward at 194 pounds: shout from the rooftops because I'm under 200, and a massage.

Weight-loss goal #3 (10% of 194) - 20 pounds
Reward at 174 pounds: full drawer of new underwear.

Final weight-loss goal - 4 to 10 pounds
Reward at 170 - 164 pounds: spa day.

That's it. Just four increments. I can so totally get there, bit by little bit. How long 'til I reach my first goal?

A bad week, with good moments

A lot of shit hit the fan this week, but I did not let it deter me from my goals. My usual classes were cancelled on Monday, so I did not work out, but I did an hour on the elliptical on Tuesday, 30 minutes on the treadmill and 30 on the elliptical on Wednesday, and an hour of Salsa/Funk on Thursday; I met my personal minimum of three workouts this week, and if I take a walk tonight or tomorrow, I will have met my goal of four! That may not happen, but it's nice to know it can.

It's been a stressful week, and every night I thought about just going home and wallowing. But hard times are not an excuse to curl up and let myself go, so I toughed it out, each time feeling so much better when I left the gym than I did when I first arrived.

Then this morning I got on the scale and saw the smallest number I have seen in many years: 228. Not a miracle, still a long way to go, but I'm claiming it. Now, when I take off another 15 percent of my body weight, I will be below 200 pounds. I'm peeling off the protective coating! There's a whole new me under here.

Okay, so it's been awhile

I got on the scale today and it was down a pound.

How many calories does one burn doing the dance of joy?