Food, glorious food

So I had an unexpected invitation to dinner yesterday. And I showed up. Seriously, when dear friends say the words "homemade pizza", there has to be something seriously wrong with you if you decline.

Completely delicious. And the best part? I ate three pieces, and still managed to stay within my calories.

I've realized something here: if I am diligent during the week, staying near the low range of my calories, then on the weekend I can cut loose a little bit.

I do have a small confession to make, though: I'm worried about this weekend. I'll be going to Lake Geneva, and there is a lot of great food to be had while on "vacation". Friday night we'll be going to a fish fry, but there is also lobster boil, so I should do okay. On Sunday my friend Amber is making lunch for me - crab legs. It's a very seafood weekend. No matter what, I need to be smart, but I also need to be aware of what I'm eating. Not like crazy or anything, but aware.

Then on Tuesday, when I'm back home and life returns to normal, I can get the nose back to the grindstone. And let's face it: It's my birthday weekend. If there ever were a reason to go a little crazy, this is it.

But only just a little.

Weekend

Okay, first things first: People are noticing that I'm working on this body of mine.

At the gym yesterday, three people - Sue, the yoga powerhouse, Pam, my strength training instructor, and Corina the ballerina all asked if I had lost weight. Why, yes ... yes, I have. Sometimes it's nice to see people you don't see every week, because they notice subtle changes. That felt amazing.

And so did my workout. Strictly Strength was amazing - I used the blue resistance tubes to work triceps, which hurt and felt great. This whole toning muscle thing is pretty awesome. And spin class was amazing; there's something about pushing myself on the bike for an hour that makes me feel like an athlete. A sweaty, disgusting athlete, but an athlete nonetheless.

Saturday afternoon, it was time to go to Ella's birthday party, and it was wonderful. I brought relishes and fat-free dip (homemade; delish!) and so I was able to eat and feel full. However, I did go over on my calorie intake for the day. Birthday cake and pomegranate martinis will do that, right? But I didn't go way over, just a little. Not a derailment by any stretch of the imagination. This is working!

Today I went to the grocery store and got lunch and dinner food for the week. I completely forgot breakfast, so I'll have to get by with the oatmeal that's in my desk drawer. That's not the worst thing in the world. I did, however, pick up some fresh Pink Lady apples at the farmer's market yesterday, and I'll be enjoying those with lunch, too. Fresh food is sneaking it's way into my daily life. Who knew?

Caring for Someone I Love

That's pretty much been the theme of this week - caring for someone I love. In this case, however, the "someone" is me.

On Monday, I began tracking my food and exercise again, after a long hiatus. On Tuesday, I had a great workout. On Wednesday, I saw the dentist and on Thursday, it was time to check in with the orthopedic doc about the old knee. Each day, I walked a mile and a half at lunchtime. Plus, I took time out to spend with friends, and I had some time to myself, too. I got enough sleep almost every night, and I ate delicious food that was good for me.

Balance, in all things.

Tonight, I'll be making myself a lovely light dinner (maybe a salad with chicken, greens and feta?) and doing my laundry, and tomorrow morning will find me at the gym, working my muscles until they talk back.

I'm not out of the woods yet. Hell, it's just been a week - no even, I have to survive the weekend! But I'm getting there. I can do this. I'm already doing this - have I mentioned that I weighed in this morning? 236. That's down four pounds from last Friday's weigh-in of 240. That's a mere 37 pounds away from being under 200 pounds. Going out on a limb here and make it my goal to get there by the end of the year.

Stay tuned: honest progress reports will keep coming!

Reginald

I went to the dentist yesterday. I needed a check up and a cleaning, but I also needed him to look at a little pimply-type object (I know, you're riveted when I share Too Much Information) along my gumline.

I was convinced I was going to die of some dreaded disease. Turns out, it's an infection. Mike Rice has named the infection "Reginald". How he (Reginald, not Mike) got there, I don't know, but the doc put me on antibiotics. And here is where things get a little more interesting:

They make me sick to my stomach unless I take them with food, and I have to take them at four times, spaced throughout the day. This means I have to eat something as soon as I get up in the morning, which is not my usual practice. So, we're newly back to the counting of calories, and I already have another challenge: fitting in Breakfast A. So this morning, I had half of a serving of Frosted Mini Wheats with a quarter cup of skim milk. It kept my tummy happy for about 150 calories; I can do this.

Of course at 10 a.m. my body was ready for Breakfast B, so I had my oatmeal bar. Now I just have the rest of the day to get through and stay within my calories. Might be a wee bit difficult, as I'm going to a friend's house for dinner. I'm determined not to derail myself! Maybe I'll pick up a salad along the way, to share ... and protect my waistline!

Well, that's progress

Yesterday - Tuesday, August 24, 2010 - was a good day. In lots of ways.

I took a little time out to do my therapy exercises in my cubicle. I took a walk during lunch, and ate within my calorie range all day. I even enjoyed exactly a half-cup of light ice cream. Really - I measured it out, and then ate it out of the measuring cup!

I also had a great workout. An hour of strength training with a new instructor (who felt the need to totally kick my ass) and then an hour of cardio. Salsa Funk with Donna is just the best way to burn an easy 500 calories EVER.

Donna is amazing. She continually reminds class members that they are doing something good for themselves, that it's not about being perfect ... it's just about moving the way your body lets you move today. If that isn't a message to take to heart, I don't know what is.

And so we move on to Wednesday. This morning, as I got dressed, I was annoyed at the coffee cake that has taken up residence along my middle. Some people have a roll, others a mufin top ... I have an entire coffee cake. I don't like it. But that's why I'm here. I don't want to call this a war against my body, because my body - while imperfect - is pretty amazing.

Me, today

This is not how I see myself. Completing the Muddy Buddy Race August 1, 2010.

Neither is this. Performing in Liberty Town Productions' "Summer Showcase", August 7, 2010.

Despite how proud I am of both these accomplishments, this is not what I see when I picture myself in my head.

It makes me crazy that when I look at the race picture, I look beyond the joyous smile and focus solely on the lumps. Yes, I have rolls. But why do I have so much trouble remembering that those rolls just completed a grueling race?

And the show picture. I just see this wide, sad girl. The smile all but escapes me.

Clearly, my focus is off. It is time to focus on what I can do instead of what it looks like. Because, let's face it ... it really doesn't look that bad, unless I'm fixated on perfection.

Hello, again ... hello.

I'm back.

Started journaling my food as of yesterday. Did really well right up until after dinner, when the ice cream got the best of me.

All things considered, I feel pretty good about where I'm at. I'm sad, because it's been years of working at this and I am still fat.

This is an indication that I have not been working at it hard enough. So, it's a new day. Time for renewal.

My goals?

• Lose a total of 70 additional pounds. This will take a lot of pressure off my knees, which will give me ...
• Increased comfort in my knees. Physical therapy can only do so much.
• Be able to run - actually run - a 5k in spring of 2011.
• Complete the Muddy Buddy in 2011 in less time than I did in 2010.

That's it. I'm going at it in 10% increments with rewards. Here's the plan:

Current weight - 240
Weight-loss goal #1 (10% of 240) - 24 pounds
Reward at 216 pounds: pedicure.

Weight-loss goal #2 (10% of 216) - 22 pounds
Reward at 194 pounds: shout from the rooftops because I'm under 200, and a massage.

Weight-loss goal #3 (10% of 194) - 20 pounds
Reward at 174 pounds: full drawer of new underwear.

Final weight-loss goal - 4 to 10 pounds
Reward at 170 - 164 pounds: spa day.

That's it. Just four increments. I can so totally get there, bit by little bit. How long 'til I reach my first goal?