Weighing in, running on

Got on the scale this morning. 206.8. I'll take it.

It has not been easy these last few weeks. Christmas celebrations seemed to last forever, and that makes it hard to watch the calories. Plus, it creates more of a challenge for finding time to work out. I am beyond pleased that I was able to get the workouts in (and complete my streak! Booyah!) and not gain over the holidays.

My goal now is pretty much the same as usual: get below 200. Much as I wanted to reach that goal before the new year, obviously that didn't happen, so I'm moving the deadline to February 21 - the day before I leave for the Disney Princess Half Marathon.

Here's the thing: I know I'm heavy. I also know that I weighed 220 pounds a few months ago, so I am totally up to this challenge. I can do this; it will take time and effort. I think it's realistic to target the half marathon as my new goal date.

Speaking of the race, I've been working the plan, and sometimes it hurts. Last week (on January 1) I had a five-mile speedwork run on the training plan. I did it outside, so the exact speed wasn't 100 percent accurate, but I think I came close. The next morning, I was in dire agony. My gluts were crying, my hamstrings pissed off ... it was un-good. So over the weekend when I had to do a seven-mile long run, I wasn't sure what to expect. This time, the pain came early. Like, while I was still running. The last mile, I ran very little and slogged most of it. I really really wanted to finish the half this year in three hours, and I just don't see that happening.

I hate that I am this slow.

I hate that no running calculator sees what I do as "running". Or even "jogging". I'm walking, as far as my pace is concerned.

I hate that my progress is so slow, and I hate that sometimes it's not really progress at all. I really hate that my last Hot Chocolate 15K was slower than the first one.

But I know I will keep going. I will proudly hang out at the back of the pack. I will acknowledge that I'm a big girl, and I will run as well as I can on any given day.

Someday, I'll run a sub-40 5K. Someday, I'll run a sub-3 hour half marathon. Someday, I'll stumble across the finish line of a marathon.

For today, I'm going to be grateful that my body and my mind allow me to keep trying.